CROSSROADS Reviewed By Norm Goldman of Bookpleasures.com
By Norm Goldman
Published April 21, 2015
Author: Dina Al- Hidiq Zebib
Publisher: Outskirtspress
ISBN: 978-1-4787-4483-2
With her debut novella, Dina Al- Hidiq Zebib tackles the emotionally loaded and delicate subject of marital dynamics where unfortunately a couple inflict pain upon one another without really realizing what is happening to them. Crossroads is a probing and evocative examination of how love can go astray, a story that no doubt elicits a sensation of familiarity, however, its retelling can link and sustain us if we pay heed to the message delivered.
The general theme of the narrative is summed up in the Foreword where the author informs her readers that she has chosen to write about “a young woman's touching experience in life where crossroads she had come across diverted her direction to a course she had never considered to choose.” She further goes onto explain that by listening to her heart, this young woman was able to seek the truth thus “allowing her to salvage what she already had, and channel her life path along the route she found the most fulfilling.”
The narrative is wonderfully written and the author shows a great deal of sensitivity crafting her two principal characters, Sara and her husband Hani. Early in the story we learn that Sara originally came from Lebanon and during the time of its civil war she and her family had moved to Istanbul, Turkey. Although she had been reluctant to return to Lebanon, upon the advice and encouragement of her loving grandmother, she decides to take the plunge and return to her country of birth and make a new life for herself. Not long after her arrival in Lebanon she accepts employment with the Lebanese Cultural Center and it is at a friend's 2000' New Year's Eve party where she meets Hani. The couple are immediately attracted to each other and eventually marry. However, as is the case in many marriages, the honeymoon begins to stumble when their first child comes along. Sara must now figure out her role at home? How will she navigate her marriage? How will Hani handle it and will he be supportive of her? Will the couple realize that they have a serious problem and will they openly communicate with each other? Psychologists refer to these difficulties as marital stressors and very often they inevitably challenge or threaten a marriage. In fact, as is the case of Sara and Hani, they did cause a great deal of tension and discord fueling bitterness as well as their drifting apart. There were constant fights, arguments, shouting, as well as insults and unfortunately no one was around to calm them down.
To better understand herself Sara refers to ancient myths including that of Jason, the ancient Greek leader of the Argonauts who was escaping from Talos' rocks, when his wife, Medea the sorceress, casts a spell on him, blurring his vision. His weaker foot slipped and he fell which caused his end. Reflecting on this myth, Sara acknowledges that it is a representation of real-life events that communicate invaluable lessons. Moreover, could this same story relate to her and was it possible that her life of love, confidence, peace and happiness be bruised beyond repair?
In an unflinching study of the complex relationship between a husband and wife, Al- Hidiq Zebib provides her readers with characters that appear real because she has revealed their flaws. In addition, she conveys insights into the love and dependence that tie couples together and on the other hand the challenges and abandonment that can isolate their relationship.
Article first published as Book Review: ‘Crossroads’ by Dina Al-Hidiq Zebib on Blogcritics: http://blogcritics.org/book-review-crossroads-by-dina-al-hidiq-zebib/
Crossroads Dina Al-Hidiq Zebib
Outskirts Press (2015)
ISBN 9781478744832
Reviewed by Susan Violante for Reader Views (05/15): http://readerviews.com/reviewzebibcrossroads/?rq=crossroads
“Crossroads,” a novel by Dina Al-Hidiq Zebib, is the story of Sara, a successful woman who finds her life’s journey turning out differently than she planned. Struggling with herself internally, she strives to learn what matters to her most. Not knowing where else to turn, she goes to see a therapist. It is from her visits with the therapist that Sara begins to narrate her life story. Sara had been heavily influenced by her grandmother, who exposed her to art and culture at an early age. Profoundly interested and curious about both, she follows her heart and passion, graduating with a double major in history. Listening to her grandmother’s stories all of her life had been a true learning experience that opened her mind to a world she loved so much.
Soon after graduation Sara finds a great job, dedicating herself to it completely. As time passes however, she starts feeling the need for a spiritual change. She searches for answers behind her emotions in the silence and stillness of prayer – answers she feels she needs in order to achieve happiness, and learn more about herself. Sara finds that love has been the greatest force behind all she had done, and when she finally finds her soulmate, her life feels abundantly happy. Within a few years however, Sara and her husband Hani both become so busy with their jobs they soon lose focus of their life together. It is very challenging for a couple not to lose their way and maintain the flame of love, especially these days when lives are booked solid with work, kids, societal obligations, etc. It can be easy to forget what brought them together in the first place, love. We should never get distracted by what is going on outside our homes, and pay attention to those little things that helped us build love in the first place. Along the journey, if we encounter a situation or stumbling block that forces us to take a detour, we should look inside ourselves, feel our hearts and express our thoughts to our loved ones.
I loved “Crossroads” by Dina Al-Hidiq Zebib. It is a nicely detailed and romantic piece of contemporary women’s fiction, and will totally submerge readers in what Sara and Hani go through during the different phases of their lives. I am certain that many readers will find this story as helpful as I did. The combination of well written narrative, realistic characters, and true-life situations make it an interesting read. I am so grateful I came across this book and recommend it as a five star read!
Bookpleasures.com welcomes as our guest Dina Al-Hidiq Zebib author of Crossroads. Dina works in the field of education and professional development. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in education, and a Master’s degree in clinical psychology.
Norm: Good day Dina and thanks for participating in our interview.
What purpose do you believe Crossroads serves and what matters to you about the story?
Dina: When I started writing Crossroads, I wanted to shed light upon the universal struggles of women who are trying to manage their different roles as mothers, wives, career persons and individuals. My purpose was to provide an experience of ‘universality’ that would serve as a growth-enhancing factor, to allow similarly struggling women to feel more connected. Through my personal and professional experiences, I learned how other women in the world face similar issues, even though decisions made at ‘Crossroads’ might vary from one woman to another. I am approached frequently by women who express their concerns about certain decisions that they make in their lives. No matter which country they are living in, women are taking up multiple roles, and determined to skilfully manage most of them.
However, this is not an easy feat; consequences could be detrimental and might include behavioral problems or psychological disorders in children, as well as marital problems that may lead to emotional devastation, divorce and broken families. These are issues that matter to me and that I feel we should seriously worry about.
The decisions that Sara made in Crossroads were her own and are entirely subjective; they do not aim to exemplify the “right” choices that a woman should make, but rather portray a route that I have seen being chosen or contemplated by many women. Other women may choose, or have chosen other fulfilling paths, and they may have different priorities that are more meaningful for them. I hope that Crossroads will speak to others and be thought-provoking enough to help women reflect on what makes them happy, while considering possible consequences and the price that might be paid with every decision made.
Norm: Is there much of you in the story?
Dina: Of course, there is a lot of ‘me’ in the story. I believe there should be much of any writer in an authentic work of fiction. My writing is inspired by a combination of personal and vicarious experiences that have been incorporated into my character, shaping my thoughts and ideas. I am a mother who is entirely dedicated to her children; a wife who is deeply in love with her husband; a woman who is attentive to her needs and fascinated by the world; an ambitious professional who is particularly focused on progress and human development.
Nuances of my story characters’ personalities and feelings as well as story settings and events are influenced by these experiences. Also, as I mentioned before, I am approached frequently by mothers who express their concerns about certain decisions that they have made and want to make in their lives. They ask me for advice, even though they are the only ones who are capable of making the right decision that is most suitable for them. These are all channels through which I access valuable experiential information about the human condition that I use in my writing.
Norm: With the high divorce rate, do you believe couples don't work hard enough of keeping their marriages together, if so, please elaborate?
Dina: When couples first meet and fall in love, they are seized by overpowering emotions, affection and sexual desires, that drive them to sanctify their bond through the social union of marriage. Before getting children, couples are still able to tend to each other’s needs, and spend plenty of uninterrupted time together in activities they both enjoy such as sports, partying or traveling. It is when the first child comes along that their relationship becomes tested. Parenthood is a challenging and full-time commitment that many couples are not ready for. It might be a misconceived notion that we learned from our parents’ and grandparents’ generation who handled parenthood differently. Where I come from in the Middle East, mothers were fully devoted to their parenting role, and fathers were the sole bread-winners of the family.
This family structure changed drastically while I was growing up. The generation of women that I am a part of was encouraged to pursue higher education beyond the bachelor’s degree, and was advised to be an active contributor to society through work and career. We did not look upon ourselves as full-time mothers anymore, but as diligent providers and meaningful specifics whose relevance extends beyond the home.
However, throughout history, women were solely responsible for making sure their husbands and children were well taken care of. So, what happened with my generation? We as women continued to be expected by society to carry out this nurturing role, in addition to our second role as empowered, self-actualizing individuals. We are facing a challenging dilemma. Our husbands also have conflicting expectations, because they grew up in the same generation as we did, and experienced the same transitions we did.
Do I believe couples don't work hard enough to keep their marriages together? I certainly do! First and foremost, couples lack the knowledge and education necessary to sustain healthy relationships. They are discouraged when faced with marital difficulties that give rise to the conflicting emotions that they grew up with. The easy way out is usually divorce or separation. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to keep a relationship going. Communication is key to making a marriage work. Every partner has the right to express his needs, yet in the most respectful and considerate way. What happens is that couples tend to communicate their needs through anger and outbursts. This never works. The brain will refuse to listen to what the other is saying. Respect should never be lost, and hurtful outbursts will only create gashes that won’t be healed easily.
Firstly, couples need to wait until they are calm before they can communicate their needs. It is hard and quite a challenge, and needs to be practiced. If we do not (explicitly, calmly and respectfully) express our needs and thoughts, how can they be understood?
Secondly, if couples are clueless, hopeless or helpless, they should consult a therapist or marriage counselor. It really is worth the money and time. Thirdly, and very importantly, couples should recall their initial bonding moment, when they were consumed with love, passion and sexual desire. They should not let these sparks die down as they grow older and become preoccupied with life commitments. They must make an effort to spend uninterrupted time together to keep their flames alive, no matter how old they get.
Norm: What served as the primary inspiration for the book?
Dina: As I have written in the ‘Foreword’ of my book, I have always wondered about my role in life—my role as a woman, wife, mother, daughter and an individual—and what I wanted my role to be. Society is a powerful force in our lives in the Middle East; equally so is the condition of female empowerment and women’s rights. The common struggles of women that I was witnessing, as well as my own struggles in trying to find the right balance among all my roles, was the main inspiration that made me start writing Crossroads.
Norm: How has your environment/upbringing colored your writing?
Dina: I was brought up to be strong and brave, yet sensitive and introspective. I was always encouraged to learn about life through experiential learning and self-reflection. This strengthened my inner voice and developed in me an emotional and passionate self, which I wanted to be apparent in my writing.
Norm: What was the time-line between the time you decided to write your book and publication? What were the major events along the way?
Dina: I started writing my book five years ago. I already had my master’s degree in clinical psychology, was working as a counselor, and was managing a child care and professional development education center in Beirut. Since then, my family and I have relocated several times to other countries, and I had my second son during that time. My book was published in March 2015.
Norm: How did you develop the characters of Sara and Hani? Are they based on anyone you know?
Dina: As I mentioned before in this interview, nuances of my characters’ personalities and feelings are influenced by my personal and vicarious experiences, and my understanding of the human condition that I have learned through my studies, interactions with people, and my inner voice. So Sara and Hani are a mixture of many people I have met, heard about and felt with my heart.
Norm: Did you work from an outline?
Dina: I do not work from an outline in its strict sense. I start out with the message I want to convey to people. I then craft out a storyline that is vivid and expressive, with realistic characters and intriguing settings and descriptions.
Norm: In fiction as well as in non-fiction, writers very often take liberties with their material to tell a good story or make a point. But how much is too much?
Dina: Personally, I do not consider that writers, who take liberties with their material, could go overboard when telling a good story. Writers are quite sensitive, insightful and imaginative people, and each has a unique story-telling or information-giving style. Every writer has a certain audience—they do not have to aim to please all readers. I do not expect myself to enjoy all books or all genres, nor do I expect that my book would please all readers. Different books satisfy the diverse needs that exist. Since making sense out of the world we live in is the ultimate need that describes the universal human condition, people could find answers and arrive at conclusions that are catered to their personal desires and concerns through different books.
Norm: Where can our readers find out more about you and Crossroads?
Dina: I have a WEBSITE and BLOG, where I post thoughts related to myself and to Crossroads: Comments and participation are encouraged. Also, I have a Facebook fan page where I post updates about Crossroads and my writing activities and events.
Norm: What is next for Dina Al-Hidiq Zebib?
Dina: I am currently working on a new story that examines another kind of marital crisis.
Norm: As this interview draws to a close what one question would you have liked me to ask you? Please share your answer.
Dina: I have really enjoyed this interview, and I do not feel there is anything more you could have asked. Thank you for your time.
