In this riveting autobiography, former Jamaican journalist Joan Williams bares her soul to readers sharing some transfixing experiences ranging from her dangerous fight against communism to the nether world to which she descended emotionally, when her only son was murdered six weeks after becoming a father.

In the heart wrenching chapter entitled TO HELL AND BACK she takes readers on the emotional roller coaster she tumbled helplessly for years, reeling through numerous stages of grief, helplessness, agitation, inexplicable exhaustion disrupted by bouts of sobbing and the total desire to withdraw from the world.  According to the writer, this grief made it hard to eat or sleep while affecting her behavior and judgment and leading her to lose interest in everything.

Losing a child she declares, is the worst tragedy that could ever befall a parent for while we expect the old to die, when our children go before us that in itself disturbs the natural order and there are no short term roads to recovery. She therefore agrees with American author and mother of the late president John F. Kennedy, Rose Kennedy who wrote; “It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time-the mind covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

She was only able to start the journey to normalcy, on accepting Hellen Keller’s advice that; “Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties” she concludes. Looking back at this cold case two decades later, which the local police had shown no interest in solving, Williams weighs the evidence and now arrives at the startling conclusion that it was most likely a member of the Jamaican police force with which she had always had a dangerous relationship because of her militancy and human rights advocacy, who assassinated her only son. She surprises herself though, stating that writing this book has helped her realize that despite her own son’s murder, she no longer supports capital punishment! She also explains too that as someone who was brought up in a solid Christian family, the loss of her son caused her to start taking a close look at religion and her conclusions are enlightening and sometimes amusing, to say the least.

Chronicling her political activism and the fight against communism as a young mother who takes the words uttered by the late civil rights activist Martin Luther King that “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter,” seriously, she explains how she had to make heart wrenching sacrifices to help keep her small island out of the clutches of the Cuban communists during the cold war days. However, looking back now at where her country is now, she at times questioned whether the efforts they made and the dangers they withstood to keep the Cuban communists at bay were really worth the effort?  However, in 2014 Williams took her fourth trip to Cuba, this time it was to meet family which she had recently discovered that she had there and after seeing the depressing conditions and lack of hope she found there, answers her own question with a definitive “YES” stating  categorically,  “..in my book, there is nothing worse than not being able to make any progress in life, regardless of the personal efforts and sacrifices you are prepared to expend.”       

Moving to the lighter side, Williams explains how she got involved in journalism, rising to become a popular radio talk show host. She also shares with readers the influence various members of her family had on her, experiences with racism both at home and abroad and in a short hilarious chapter, tells readers about  her experiments with ganja (marijuana) with which the name Jamaica has always been closely associated.

“Looking Back” is almost impossible to put down and is indeed a must read.