Now You want Me, Now You Don't! Fear of Intimacy: Ten ways to recognize it and ten ways to manage it in your relationship.
Dr. Jeanette Raymond, author
In Now You Want Me, Now You Don’t, Dr. Jeanette Raymond stands conventional wisdom on its head by showing that men often long for emotional intimacy more than women, and that many women use sex to connect, rather than emotional closeness. Readers are given a ringside seat in the therapist’s office as Rick and Christy seek couples counseling with Dr. Raymond. After four years of marriage, one son, and continued efforts to get close to his wife, 30-year-old Rick is heartbroken at being shut out and kept out emotionally, no matter how hard he tries to connect. But when Christy storms out after two sessions, Rick decides to stick it out, motivated by Dr. Raymond’s certainty that he will discover the reasons for his wife’s coldness and recover the intimacy they’ve lost in their relationship. As the sessions progress, Dr. Raymond helps Rick understand his desperation for emotional intimacy and why Christy constantly rebuffs him. The couple’s history and their life stories before they met are woven into a compelling narrative that explains the attraction that drew them together, while at the same time keeping them emotionally apart. Dr. Raymond uses Rick’s deep experience of rejection to point out the similarities in the psychological defenses both he and his wife built to survive their painful childhoods. And though Rick is skeptical about the 10-step program that Dr. Raymond suggests to help Christy feel safe enough for intimacy, he is astonished to find that the strategies work! Now You Want Me, Now You Don’t takes readers on a roller coaster ride of elation and disappointment as Rick’s hopes soar that he will save his relationship, then plummet as he’s overcome with frustration and threatens to quit therapy. This book gives readers a suspenseful and intimate glimpse into a couple’s life, as they wrestle with the thorns that pierce their idealistic bubbles and strive to regain the comfortable rhythm of emotional intimacy they had when they fell in love.