What Once Broke ‘Me’
Rosie Banyan, author
In 2013 I had been transported back to the fear, the confusion and grief that I lived so long ago. I felt trapped. I used to leave my body and escape the world when it was like this. After working so hard I finally reached my breaking point. I wanted to hide, I wanted to scream, I wanted out. So in answer to the question asked “What sort of person just drops everything and steps out of their life?” I can tell you a desperate one. I had to revisit my childhood horror of sexual abuse to finally forgive and release my past. I learnt to trust unconditionally, let go of controlling everything in my life, to be needed by everyone and the expectation of a desired outcome. I discovered that deep within me sat a silence. I discovered my Nothing. ‘My New Normal’ continues my story returning back into my life. Everything had changed because I was now different. In my new way of honouring myself I speak my truth without fear of opinions or judgements of others. It was difficult not to revert back to my old self. I confronted fears about being myself with everyone in my life, particularly those who were once close. The remnants of my false self were released, bringing forward my vulnerability and innocence. I had to trust and expose this part of myself. The time had come to embrace my own wisdom. I had to take external controls and focus them within to finally be self-empowered. My synchronised life of allowance gifted me new insights. The dust settled on my new normal. My Desired Simply Life - A consolidation now settles. Uncomplicated, uncluttered, my desired simple life. As I considered what that meant, I gradually found out. Renewed and cleaned once more. My two younger children and I travel to live in a small urban village in Vanuatu, living without power, running water or any machine that makes life easy. Cooking on a fire that is lit before sunup. The simple life. Untouched paradise. I discover that simplicity exists beneath my own chaos.