Booklife Review

In this wise and lively self-help tome, debut author McCabe, an adjunct professor of public speaking and general communications, recounts with winning frankness years of questionable behavior based on low self-esteem in an earnest effort to help others from repeating her missteps. McCabe divides her story into four parts whose titles reveal much about McCabe’s candor and tone: ”Raunchy Rendezvous” explores hookups, complete with examinations of her self-rationalizations and insight into what she’d do differently now, while “Roller-Coaster Relationships,” about unhealthy romantic relationships, blends engaging just-between-friends storytelling with practical lessons. Other sections explore “rock-bottom moments” and what she’s learned from, plus the red flags she now knows not to ignore—and the yellow ones that should inspire at least a pause (“he’s habitually late”; “he doesn’t have any friends”).

McCabe fearlessly lays her life bare, describing how each time she thought she’d met “the one,” an event would happen to show her that she was in love with an illusion— such as her relationships with a malignant narcissist, the one with a guy who had a girlfriend he kept denying existed, and the one who left her when she was pregnant with his child and experiencing complications. She draws clear, practical lessons from these experiences, sharing what she now understands to be red-flag warnings. Among them: men asking for naughty photos much too early, generally lacking empathy, not respecting boundaries, disrespecting their parents, or asking to keep a relationship a secret.

McCabe takes an honest look at each risky behavior and how she rationalized it at the time, notes what happened in the moment and why it was unhealthy, makes a healthy plan for facing similar situations in the future, and finally, crucially, offers herself forgiveness. Throughout, she demonstrates a commitment to self-love, and encourages readers to do the same. Readers who have struggled with self-esteem will empathize with McCabe, applaud her honesty, humor, and self-reflections, and appreciate her sharing coping strategies and a healthy path forward.

Takeaway: Inspiring look at relationship red flags, written with candor and power.

Comparable Titles: Marya Hornbacher, Brianna Wiest.

Production grades
Cover: B
Design and typography: A-
Illustrations: N/A
Editing: A-
Marketing copy: A