Simon carr is, well he is me, hello, I write utter nonsense and you are a disgrace for reading it, the hell is wrong with you?

but since you are here we might as well revel in the soup of irrational absurdity together because it is_________somthing to do!

I could tell you where I come from and where I live but how the hell do I know you are not some kind of psychopath!?

I think any writer who has ever read Misery should just avoid that poison apple myself, all you need to know is I am English and support Blackburn Rovers (BLAST!)

That does not mean I live in Blackburn; ok, I live in Blackburn but it's a big place, you will never find me, you weirdo!

I like knitting, collecting empty beer cans, and slapping dead birds just to make sure, I hope for world peace and an end to climate change, gender representative jelly babies, and fat people to get skinny really easily using just a DVD.