This book is like every other Robin Reardon book, you get an entertaining story, but you also get a story that will make you think. And If I Fall is a story about self discovery and making your own path, and in some way, be it big or small, everyone can relate to this story.
Jude is active in his local Church, which has very strong ideas about how a person should act and right and wrong. Can Jude come to terms with things about him that don't measure up to the teachings of the Church?
When someone very influential in his life falls from grace how will Jude deal with it? Will he hide the parts about himself that society says are wrong? Or will he learn that being who you are meant to be, though hard, is so very worth it?
You will fall in love with a few of the supporting characters in this book, and you will cheer Jude on in his path to self discovery for sure! I love this story and you will too!
Robin Reardon is a new author to me and I have to admit reading new authors can be a little intimidating at first. However, I was captivated the moment I sat down and started to read this novel.
A person's views on religion and homosexuality can be very offsetting topic to me personally if not done in a respectful and unbias opinion. Robin's approach to this sensitive subject with one of the boy’s journey through his younger year into his graduation from high school was amazing.
In this town perspectives on religion is based upon generations of teachings by pastors of their churches. As though no one in this town ever thought to ask questions or upset the foundation to which all beliefs were based on.
I could feel the troubles from her character Jude as he battles the storms within his soul! Wanting to be the perfect image of what he was told God wanted him to be. Jude had put his trust in people only to be lied to and left broken. He was lead away from his people because they didn't fit into the church's definition of being worthy of God.
It made me hurt inside for the boy he was, for the teenager he struggled to become to finally realize that God would love him cause there was nothing wrong with the person he was. I admire the strength of the young man he had become to leave not only his hometown but his family in order to finally break away from having to deny who he was.
This book was a hard look into a strong structure of some religions that are still practiced today. But it gave me hope that there are also individuals that have the fight in them to firmly believe that they were made in God's image no matter what their sexual orientation may be.
And If I Fall tackles a subject that is not always easy to write about. I liked the thoughtful way the author approaches religious beliefs.
Jude, the main and POV character, is a great window into his world as he gradually realises the truth about himself, his world, and a man he holds on a pedestal. The story has very strong themes about being true to yourself and not living a lie. I think it is all the more powerful for not being preachy when it would have been very easy to do so. I liked the way it gave a balanced view of each side, and how the saints of the church were portrayed as good people with strong beliefs and sense of community. Growing up in a community, it is often difficult to see perspectives outside what you’ve been brought up to believe is the only truth, and children in particular often think their way of life is the only one there is.
I liked the way in which Jude slowly becomes aware of his sense of self, his slide into becoming someone he thinks he should be, and then his journey back to his true self. Some of his observations had me nodding, and although I guessed the truth about some of the characters before he did, it didn’t detract from my enjoyment of the story. Jude’s journey takes him in one direction, but others take different paths, and I liked that about the story. I felt sorry for a couple of the characters—one who decides to follow the expectations put upon him, and another who had tried to do that and failed. And for Jude’s struggle to reconcile his beliefs and the teaching of his church with his feelings for Tim.
There were some lines from the story that really stood out for me. Gregory tells Jude that that he’s come out of the baptism water “not full of love but some ugly fake version of himself.” And Jude’s realisation that he’s becoming “less blinded by the light.”
Characterisation is a huge strength of this book, and it isn’t just Jude who has motivations and secrets. I enjoyed reading about his family, and those who take on the role of family. They were interesting people and felt very real. I particularly liked the characters of Pearl, Gregory, and Dolly. Although they act as foils to open Jude’s eyes to another perspective, they are very much more than that.
I’d recommend And If I Fall to readers who enjoy a thought provoking powerful story about reconciling religious beliefs with sexuality. Highly recommended. 5 out of 5 stars.
Jude Connor is raised in a strict, evangelical community. Everything is decided for him, what he wears, what he eats, whom he speaks to, keeps company with, and loves. In other words, he's caught in a trap where there's no free will or objective thinking. What the “Body” says is what's right and everyone else is wrong. There are no exceptions. How can anyone grow in such a stifling atmosphere? Yet, Jude needs to overcome these limitations or he will never turn into the butterfly he's meant to be.
At the start, Jude is at a disadvantage. He lacks the guidance of both mother and father, since his mother died and his father left them, so Jude has to depend upon his brother and all of the other saints, which is what the “saved” members of the church call themselves, to help him. His brother loves Jude, but is firmly indoctrinated in church rhetoric. He, like others in the “Body”, are determined that there is only one way to get to Heaven and if they stray from the beliefs of the church, they will go to hell. Jude doesn't want to go to hell so he turns himself inside out trying to be a good person as defined by his church. Jude tries to suppress his “unnatural” desires for other men, banish them from his mind. Jude wants to be “saved”.
When the “Body” decides Jude is too young to spend so much time alone, an arrangement is made that he will spend part of the week with the pastor's family and the other part with his brother. Without parental guidance, the reverend of his church becomes his mentor. Jude, like many others in the church, practically worships him; he thinks that everything Reverend King says is the gospel truth. When Jude's brother gets married things are okay at home, but when a baby is due, there's no room for Jude. Jude accepts the reverend as his “God father”. He believes every word out of his mouth. Jude denies his own feelings about everything and becomes a true follower.
There are some things the reverend does that Jude questions, but his doubts are overridden by his idolization of the man. Jude eventually becomes “saved” and is baptized. Trying to be a “better saint”, he goes through a phase of witnessing that borders on obnoxious and he alienates almost everyone. There are some people in the community who are not “saved” but in many ways, they seem more real than those who are in the “Body. Jude is in conflict between what he's been taught and what may be a better way to live, but the lure of the “salvation” the “Body” offers, keeps him from making the leap of faith so he is able decide for himself. It takes a tragedy to open his eyes and see the truth about his situation which enables him to realize that his mind has been locked in a prison and he begins to take steps to break out and think on his own.
Robin has written a very compelling story which has more truth than I'd like to think. It was an emotional read for me, one that will take time to settle down in my mind. My righteousness indignation boiled and seethed at the injustice of a society that believes they can judge people the way this community, who claimed to be so close to God, does. It's a sin within itself. The sad part about this story is that it's not just a story. For many it's a reality. There are communities all over the world who practice their faith in this way, through oppression and fear, rather than love and acceptance. Thanks, Robin, for bringing this disgraceful practice into the light.
