Five surprising things parents will learn: You don’t have to reward or punish willful children to get them to cooperate. Aggressive kids are frightened kids, and there are simple tools to ease their fear so they don’t need to lash out. Your willingness to just listen to crying or tantrums often is enough to heal a child’s fears and hurts. Safe play during which your kid becomes the boss can reveal his hidden feelings— and heal them too. Parents who regularly listen to one another’s struggles, without judging or advising, often clear so much toxic emotion that their children benefit greatly.