In a time when to most people “pregnancy” automatically means “motherhood,” what is it like to get pregnant, give birth, and breastfeed a child all while being an out transgender man?
When Trevor MacDonald decided to start a family, he knew that the world was going to have questions for him. As a transgender man in a gay relationship, Trevor has gone through the journeys of pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing all while exploring (and sometimes defending) his role as a trans dad. Trevor and his partner tackle all the questions new parents are familiar with (Should we feed our baby breast milk or formula? Should we have a hospital or home birth?) and others perhaps unfamiliar (How can a man cope with gender dysphoria when going through such female-coded rituals as childbirth and breastfeeding? How can a person breastfeed after having had chest masculinization surgery? How do we find donor milk to supplement our own modest milk supply?).
Luckily for the reader, Trevor explains his own answers to these questions with grace and humour. His stories convey the intimate and sometimes surprising realities of the transgender parenting experience. This memoir is a book about being a breastfeeding parent and a transgender man, and the many beautiful, moving, and difficult ways these two identities collide. “Where’s the Mother?” is a memoir like no other.
"Where’s The Mother? is an honest, accessible, and heartwarming memoir that follows his story from transition to pregnancy to finding a network of breastmilk-sharing parents.
Where’s the Mother? will undoubtedly become an excellent resource for trans and non-binary parents, and has even been added to the required reading list of Doula Trainings International.
But parenthood isn’t a walk in the park for anyone, and cisgender parents alike will see themselves in MacDonald’s story."
"A deeply compelling memoir from a transgender man who birthed and breastfed his children – it’s informative, inspiring, and transformational."
"Well-written, engaging, friendly, informative, and laugh-out-loud in places – I really enjoyed it."
"Trevor's story is both unique and universal. It is about a man breastfeeding his child, which is certainly unique, but it is also about a parent striving to give a baby the best possible nourishment, love and care – which is something every parent understands. Despite the challenges, Trevor doesn't take himself too seriously: he always keeps his sense of humor and his humility. You can't help but be drawn into his story.”
“The Canadian trans man behind gay parenting blog Milk Junkies offers readers a tender, earnest window into the journey to fatherhood he and his husband took in Where's the Mother ... a candid exploration of cultural questions that will be familiar to any same-sex couple raising children in a world that isn’t always welcoming. With his accessible, humorous writing, MacDonald unapologetically (but gently) pushes back on assumptions that presume everyone who gives birth to a child must be a woman, and that only mothers can produce milk to nourish their babies .... ‘Where’s the Mother’ helps to fill a void in cultural competency around, particularly, the trans-masculine parenting experience.”
