PART 1 LOST
The story is entirely in first person, present tense, except for the occasional flashback. The story is told from MICHAEL ROTH’s point of view. In the beginning, he describes his lower-middle-class temporary living arrangements after his divorce from his wife, SHARON. Emotionally scarred by the ordeal of his divorce, he attends psychotherapy sessions, described in a kind of grammatically unstructured format. The first session reveals the back-story to his divorce.
Michael unfolds his story as a kind of reality show where it is sometimes difficult for the reader to decide what is important to the storyline and what is his observations of what he experiences. He is lonely and flat in effect. Reflecting on his sorry state, he remembers the events surrounding his leaving Sharon. She was out of town with their two children, ALLEN, a high school senior, and MEREDITH, a high school freshman, when he made his move. He discusses with his therapist at length what he sees as pivotal moments of his marriage relationship with Sharon.
Now divorced, Michael reveals his growing obsession with women and sex. He remembers his prepubescent, sexual activities with a neighbor girl and later their embarrassing meeting and her quick departure on the first day of a college English class. He remembers his first sexual success while a college freshman with bitterness, fearful he would marry the first woman who let him fuck her. And he did.
Later, Michael remembers a romantic misadventure while married. He was at a folk dance weekend, mostly for his wife’s benefit since he was not adept. While there, he met a young woman, LINDA, also dance averse, but whose husband was an avid participant. Michael and Linda became friendly, spend a lot of time together, and on a stroll in the nearby woods, kiss. He regrets and chastises himself for not going any further with Linda, who was clearly willing. Michael sees this as one more missed opportunity. He relates another missed opportunity at a science fiction convention he attended with Sharon that was really an excuse for an all-night orgy. In a place and time where it was impossible not to get laid, Michael manages, nevertheless, not to connect.
Driven by sexual obsession after his divorce, he travels to Manhattan and explores the Midtown smorgasbord of sex shops, arcades, peepshows, and live performances. He browses through all of them, sampling some or simply marveling at the depravity of others. He thinks of Hubert Selby’s Last Exit to Brooklyn, a book given to him for some unknown reason by his mother-in-law. The Midtown scene becomes newly alive for him with the formerly unnoticed junkies, prostitutes, pimps, drunks, and homeless made suddenly vivid by Selby’s book. He strolls to the West Side where he meets a young prostitute, LITTLE JULIE, with whom he strikes up a bantering relationship before engaging in risky sex with her. Charmed and desperately working through his life of missed opportunities, he doesn’t care. He begins to keep a diary, another avenue for the reader into Michael’s thoughts and personality.
Michael takes a carpool to work whereby we meet his friends, RYAN, ANDIE, and HERB. Michael reveals himself again to be shy and low in self-esteem, despite the lighthearted male sexual bravado. He is crushed by his life but pretending he is not. On the next Friday, after work, he goes to a local watering hole, Cooky’s. He expects nothing to come of it, but he goes anyway. About to leave after several pointless circumnavigations of the overcrowded bar, he suddenly hears a friendly female voice. It is a colleague, TERRI. Joining Terri, he meets the people sitting with her, one of whom is KRISSY EDWARDS. Michael is immediately captivated by her many charms. Terri invites Michael and Krissy to a party. Again, he assumes nothing will come of it, but that does not stop him from fantasizing about a happy ending. However, he is right. Nothing comes of it, or so he thinks.
Michael attends a lengthy session with his therapist when he recounts in great detail following a woman home whom he spots in a store and imagines invading her house and raping her. He does not, but the story prompts him to ask if he needs medication. His condition seems to him rising to the clinical level. He recounts to the therapist another story about a movie he went to years earlier. It was about a man obsessed with sex who, at the end of the movie, cuts his penis off with an electric carving knife. At first, he questions why he should remember this incident, then he decides the reason is obvious.
PART 2 FOUND
Michael’s life becomes complicated when a possible promotion opens up in Hartford, away from his children. A financial setback has him considering the need for the promotion. Meanwhile, Krissy re-enters his life. She calls to apologize for being so rude at the party almost a year before and asks for a make-up date. Michael agrees and they have a successful time. They agree to have another. He compares her to another woman, GLORIA, with whom he had a brief but torrid sexual dalliance. Gloria was an experienced ball of fire who gave Michael just the self-esteem boost he needed. She was like a shooting star, amazing, invigorating, a wonderful interlude, and then gone. Krissy he sees as a long-term, continual surprise and delight.
Michael courts Krissy and enlists Terri’s aid for womanly advice. Michael turns out to have a well-developed sense of humor after all when not feeling a total shit. He charms Krissy. Krissy charms him and after a funny episode at a play-in-the-nude in Greenwich they make love for the first time. Later, Michael cannot understand why he is not invisible to Krissy. Convinced she is totally out of his league, he expects her to realize that any second. Krissy assures him she sees a strong, generous, humorous, and honorable man that has become her hero. He reveals to a friend he wants to marry her. Michael and Krissy plan a trip down memory lane to where Michael grew up in Brooklyn. He then organizes a winter camping trip to Bear Mountain with his children so they can get to know Krissy. It goes very well. Merrie and Allen are both adore Krissy and she returns their affection.
Michael has the last session with his therapist. They discuss Krissy, love, and the enduring benefits of hope. Michael reveals that he sometimes has severe headaches and auras when he smells things that are not there.
Michael tells his children and Krissy his dilemma about the job promotion in Hartford and then explains his solution. He found another job nearby. They celebrate the good news. Michael informs his older brother of his intention to marry Krissy. Suddenly Michael is having bad luck. He falls riding his bicycle and then again after one week on his new job he falls and breaks his wrist. His doctor, DR. GLASSMAN, orders a CT scan after he learns of Michael’s auras. Michael recovers and being an experienced sailor plans a sailboat excursion with Merrie, Allen, and Krissy on Long Island Sound. All goes well until they hit a surprise squall. An out-of-control boom sweeps Merrie overboard. In the storm's midst, Allen dives in and saves her. She is unconscious and Michael has, suddenly, become unresponsive.
Somehow they get back to their home port and Merrie and Michael end up in the hospital for observation. Merrie is not seriously injured, but Michael came in behaving disoriented and incoherent. The attending physician interviews him the next day. She finds his memory of the events following the squall to be inaccurate and spotty. Sharon arrives and speaks with Krissy and Michael in a caring and conciliatory way, to Michael’s surprise. Later, Krissy, Dr. Glassman, and Michael (reluctantly) discuss what illnesses can bring on his headaches and auras. They discuss as well the possibility of Michael’s death. Considering the need for Krissy actively to take part in his medical monitoring and care, they move the wedding date forward so she will have the full privileges of a wife in dealing with doctors. Plans for the wedding proceed and everyone is happy and excited.
While at a miniature golf outing with Merrie and Allen, Michael collapses. He is having a severe stroke. Merrie and Allen care for Michael until Sharon’s husband, MATT arrives. They cannot at first locate Krissy. Michael cannot move any part of his body and can only listen and watch as events unfold. He is trapped in his body, unable to communicate. In the hospital, he is under intense medical monitoring. Dr. Glassman, seeing that Michael can move his eyes and blink his eyelids, suggests a way that might open a window of communication. Blinking his eyes for yes and no. Everyone is very excited that Michael can follow directions and also use the blink code. Krissy is so happy, she sobs with a measure of relief on Michael’s chest. Allen has stepped up to be the man of the family. He is very supportive of Merrie and Krissy.
When alone, Krissy and Michael have a long discussion about his condition using their blink code.
The next day, the family is again together communicating with Michael. Allen also brought his girlfriend, CYNDI. Michael has a deep discussion with his family, with Cyndi’s timely and astute help, about his future parental role, about finding happiness and about using their support system. They agree to meet again the next day. Merrie tries the blink code to ask Michael things that are bothering her. She finds this difficult at first but gets gradually better at framing questions effectively.
The story ends with Michael communicating to Krissy that he wants to have a baby with her. He conveys to her that she should talk with Dr. Glassman about if and how this might be possible. Having a child with Michael thrills Krissy:
“Michael! I’m speechless.” Krissy looks at me with a broad smile. “I guess you’re speechless, too!” I just look at her. Once again, what did I do to deserve this woman? Nothing in this lifetime!
POSTSCRIPT
Written by Krissy, the story flashes forward. We learn of Michael’s subsequent life, his living to see their miracle baby born, his children grown and married. Krissy expresses what she and the others learned about love from knowing Michael, who has passed away after twelve years of marriage. Krissy reveals that the preceding book is a memoir written by Michael using new communication technology. She explains why he called it My First Life.
The final lines:
I am so blessed to have had this man in my life. He is still in my life, in my heart, safe and healthy once again, where he will remain until I die.
